i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
