Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
