I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
