lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
