I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
