she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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