my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
