just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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