He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
