ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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