this beer tastes like vomit already
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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