someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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