I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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