hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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