i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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