so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
