I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
