HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
