i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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