I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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