She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
