Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
