Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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