u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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