went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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