I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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