She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
