My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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