Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
