I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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