all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
