Having a random hookup so left but love u
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ladies don't puke and tell
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
