hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
