I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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