Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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