so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
