I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
