Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
