I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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