What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
