My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
