she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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