Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Small penises have feelings too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
