You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
