from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We left the knife in your bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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