Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
