There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
