You're completely useless in the revolution.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
