I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
