you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
