You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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