i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
