i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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