Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
