omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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