im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
