a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
