I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
