Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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