suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
