the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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