my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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