Got a toothbrush?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
