I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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