I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
