I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone shattered a urinal.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
