He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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