help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
