This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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