I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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