i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
