She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
