Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
