How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
