remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
