You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
