we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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