The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
