Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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