You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
