I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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