My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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