I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
