I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
