whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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