You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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