My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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