Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
