Well douche your snatch and let's go!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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