I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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